Today was the Rock Equippers retreat. Basically, the equippers retreat is a day long getaway out of town somewhere where the small group leaders can gather together, be encouraged, share stories, and have John Drage remind us of what we have committed to as leaders and renew our commitments to ministry. One of the verses John shared in his introduction of our time together was 1 Peter 2:9. It says:
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:9
The verse is exceptionally powerful. I was reminded of the following quote:
"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship....There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." - C.S. Lewis
These are truly humbling words, yet why should we even feel ashamed? I was also reminded of another quote (which I had thought was from Lewis, but in looking on the internet appears to be widely attributed to Marianne Williamson. I feel certain that I have read it in something by Lewis once before, but I digress):
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
I have lived in this fear for some time, especially this year. I fear to be myself oftentimes, because I am afraid that who I am will run so far from where anyone else is at in their lives that I should alienate those around me. Who am I to be brilliant? Who am I to be talented, or esteemed? Who am I to be someone special? Why should I risk pushing into strange new territory and discover the depth of the potential God has bestowed me? Complacency is far safer territory, and requires far less risk.
While talking to John, I started talking about why I often hold back from taking risks. The fear with risk is that if you would risk seeking something; be it romance, a job, some other opportunity, sharing the gospel with a close unbelieving friend, or anything, you just may find that you are refused. It's funny that I, or anyone for that matter, should deny themselves the chance at realizing some joy for the sake of preserving it's possibility. Let me say that again: if I should never risk losing anything, I will comfortably perpetuate the potential of gaining it, without ever actually attaining it. I settle for a hope instead of a reality. But the comfort I get in enjoying the permanent possibility of gaining is overshadowed by the misery in not attaining what I desire, made greater by the refusal to chase it.
So, tying in to the verse shared above, should I truly believe that I am made a priest before Christ? Should I dare believe I am part of this sacred assembly? Can I grasp that I have a glory that will one day be made fully apparent? Can I live with that knowledge? The fear is to believe that I am truly that wonderful; my false humility makes us believe that we should be lower, undeserving, unworthy of happiness, incapable of being loved by people. And yet, here it is. It's right there. Priesthood. Elsewhere the Bible declares that we are adopted sons of the Most High God. We are in the process of being made into what Christ is. We are indwelt with a power that can literally transform the course of life and history itself, if only we would let it out. That power is the Spirit of Christ.
Living by the Spirit, I've always felt, was a process of letting go. It wasn't about performing some particular skill movement, or thought, or attaining some special knowledge. What it's about is submission to the Spirit and not letting my human mind and rationality stand in the way of the Spirit's desires and intentions. That is the way to glory. The risk is trusting that Spirit with control of my life. The fear is that the journey will be uncomfortable, and that there will be a loss of things I hope in. The reward is more than I can now or ever fathom.
Next time, I will talk about some of those hopes and dreams that need to be risked, and more specific fears. I figured that if I write too much all at once, people are going to fall asleep, haha.
