Recently I've run into some serious problems with my brakes on my Jeep, that forced me into taking it to a garage last Saturday to be inspected. I was expecting a minor problem; my friend Adam had helped me look at it and thought the problem was only a leaky rear wheel cylinder, letting air into the brake lines and lowering the braking pressure. When I got an estimate from the mechanic it was around $350, and consisted of replacing both rear wheel cylinders, both rear wheel brakes, and new wheel drums.
After talking with my father and then calling Adam again I decided to get a second opinion and new estimate. In between patient visits I called around a few recommended mechanics and found a second one I felt comfortable going to. After taking my Jeep to them yesterday, though, they found that all breaks needed to be replaced, and the front rotors and rear cylinders, but the drums could be spared. It would actually cost me almost $500 to repair.
Since Saturday I have had to rely on the generosity of a few wonderful people to receive transportation for work and necessary errands. I'm finding I'm not the kind of person that likes to be dependent on others. With transportation especially, being without a vehicle is a new kind of helpless. No longer do I have the power to go where I want exactly when I want. I have to plan ahead my transportation and be more strategic about where and when I go places.
Being without a car is as good an excuse as any to do more walking, and I have used walking to get myself to Eastgate for groceries or even as far as the downtown for coffee and escape. I walk or run to Stephen's Lake Park already, so that is nothing new. Yesterday I walked from Panera at Nifong to the Green Meadows clinic after lunch, which opened my eyes to how much I take for granted driving; there are no crosswalks or sidewalks within the Nifong-Green Meadows stretch of Providence, so I need to watch traffic far more. Crossing Nifong alone felt like an adventure, with cars flying around the corner near Gerbes.
Walking last night to Lakota took at least 20 minutes. Twenty minutes is generally a drop in the bucket, but when walking and with nothing else to do I was able to appreciate just how much time 20 minutes really is. I prayed. I contemplated things going on right now in my life. I thought about my friends and family, missing them, loving them, and worrying for them. I was grateful for those who have given me rides up to this point. I'm trying to think of what kind of help or assistance I can be to them and others with the talents and resources I have available. Most of all, I try not to feel guilty for being dependent.
Perhaps this is a result of living in a culture where the ideal is complete independance, strength, and the ability to provide for yourself. The American Dream. Financial brokerages advertising for "security in your future". The predominace of advertising geared towards "YOU" in all aspects of life. I wonder if it has anything to do with the depression of older life, when we are forced to be dependent on others. Maybe we are innundating ourselves so much with the need to not rely on anyone else that we are guilty for it, when Biblically speaking humility and a sense of dependence should characterize our walk with Christ. And, if that is true, why should it be odd that dependence on each other should be expected? Still, why is it a hard thing to accept? I guess that's just the problem with humility's antithesis: pride.
